Season 5, Episode 4 | Aired: 17 October 2000 | Written by: Rebecca Rand Kirshner | Directed by: David Grossman
Riley’s Initiative enhancements are killing him — his heart is running dangerously fast. Spike, still chipped, kidnaps a surgeon to have the chip removed; the same surgeon fixes Riley’s heart. Spike wakes from a dream in which he kissed Buffy and is horrified to discover he has feelings for her. This revelation — the show deciding Spike loves Buffy — is the episode’s most consequential event, and James Marsters plays the dawning realisation with exactly the right degree of self-disgust.
What Happens
Riley is deteriorating. The surgery to repair his heart is successful but requires cooperation between the Scoobies and Spike. Spike gets his chip confirmed as impossible to remove, for now. And at the episode’s end, Spike wakes from the dream and says “Oh god, no. Please no” with a sincerity that the rest of Season 5 will require him to mean.
Key Moments
Spike’s realisation. It’s played as horror — he doesn’t want this, it is not useful to him, it complicates everything. Marsters plays it as someone receiving very bad news about themselves.
Monster / Villain
Riley’s failing heart — and Harmony, briefly, who is still trying to be a villain and still very bad at it.
Notable Quote
“I’m drowning in footwear.” — Anya, about the shoe section of a department store. Non sequitur, perfectly placed.
Where It Fits
Out of My Mind is the episode that commits the show to the Spike/Buffy arc — a decision that will define the next two seasons. Riley’s heart surgery is also thematically resonant: his physical deterioration mirrors his emotional situation, which the season will resolve by having him leave.